I am writing this post because my sister-in-law just got engaged!!!!! Hey hey hey!
S is very excited! He's asking way too many questions. I constantly remind him to chill.
IDEALLY, the Ting Hun should be last time that the mother has a say on the marriage of her son.
Brides, you must understand that this period of preparation is a bonding moment between your future MIL and your future husband. As much as possible, don't meddle.
THIS IS YOUR MOTHER- IN- LAW'S SHOW.
With out any sugar coating, the Ting Hun is a showcase of wealth. It is meant to show the bride's family and friends that she is welcomed by her future in laws. It is a promise that she will be well taken cared of by her new family.
If both couples are working and providing for themselves, no need for this. In the olden times, this was needed because girls were married off to guys recommended by the match makers. Usually, these guys lived in other towns. Assurances were necessary.
It seems that, in the eyes of the bride (and her parents)...the jewelries from the groom's family signify the her worth to them. After listening to several brides and wives, I finally understood why.
I was told that one mom cried when she saw her daughters bling.
Groom and family... please note that most often than not, the family and relatives of the bride do talk about the jewelries you will give.
I was told by Mr. Q ( a businessman from Iloilo) that the family of so and so gave the family of so and so bride, fake jewels! They rusted! QUE HORROR! Needless to say, the whole town of ILOILO knows!
I also know of a bride who was planning to display fake jewelries just to shut her momma up!
Hay no need!
Ting Hun is a gesture of welcome and assurances. No need to show off if you don't have much budget or if you are already very assured! It is perfectly acceptable in this century to have a western engagement.
That being said, here are the things the groom and his family need to prepare:
1. One (1) Golden Medallion
The bigger and the HEAVIER the better! May powers daw if malaki e! Will protect you from bullets! Hahahaha!
2. One (1) Watch
Standard watch given is a Rolex.
The hip ones give Jaeger, Tudor, Chopard, IWC, Panerai...
If mayaman ka, Patek.
3. Two (2) golden bangles tied together with red thread
4. Minimum of four (4) jewelry sets.
Ideally with the following precious stones/gems:
Note: In HK, they prefer pure gold since the value of gold is easily valuated. In the future, should you need to sell, gold is easier to liquidate.
5. Minimum of eight (8)sets of clothes or 8 sets of cloths/ fabric which will also be made into clothes.
Note: In the olden days, the bride and her relatives would make these fabrics into her new wardrobe (including shoes!) While sewing, they would sing, talk and even cry. This would be the last time that they would be together so it was quite a sad moment.
6. Two (2) pomelos
7. Two (2) bouquets of flowers
Note: 8 dozens of flowers per bouquet
8. Two (2) Ang Pao
Note: minimum of 20k for small angpao and 60k for big angpao
No odd numbers
As a sign of good manners, the bride-to-be should return the bigger amount or both
9. Fabric for the parents of the bride
Note: Fabric for suit/barong of the father of the bride and for the gown of her mother
10. One (1) Smaller round cake for the bride-to-be
11. Red cloth for the table
Note: This will also be used to make the dress of the first born.
In our case, the restaurant provided this.
12. Ingredients for the misua soup (Misua, 2 eggs, 2 Ang Cho)
Note: The restaurants will also provide this.
13. Two (2) SIN HA filled with fruits
Note: This is optional. Some people rent the Sin Ha pero honestly, this is for "aesthetics only".
The family of the bride will still need to sort out the fruits and distribute to the rest of the relatives.
In our case because my family flew in and out right after the event (like a band on a gig).
To free them from hassle, the family of my husband packed the fruits in such a way that they were ready for check-in and already sorted them out in the gift packs for the guests.
14. Gift packs for all the guests (1 pack for each family).
Gift packs should contain the following:
- Fruit Cocktail
- Pork Leg
Note: EVEN numbers
15. Wedding Rings
Yes! This is already given and EXCHANGED during the Ting Hun. So yes, I had no say in choosing my wedding band. But the standard 5 diamonds is very much appreciated! Salamat po!
16. Corsage or Buttonier
17. THE BANQUET.
Who pays for the banquet?
This is debatable. In some cases, the family of the bride offers. This makes sense because traditionally, the Ting Hun happened in the village and house of the bride's family.
In my case, my family didn't know much and infact, my mom didn't understand that was discussed anything during the Kiu Hun. So, my in- laws took care of everything.
No Complaints! Ganda di ba! charrrr
PS> list given by S. He complained that my cake wasn't smaller than his.